I went down to my in-laws to help mow their yard while they were out of town. I forgot that their yard is half Appalachian mountainside and half jungles of Nam. I need the exercise, though and that grass ain’t going to mow itself! (Practising for when my kid gets older).
As I started, the skies decided to open up and drench me instantly. I had to stop and texted my wife that I had to toss my clothes in the dryer after 10 minutes of mowing. “Are you mowing naked?” No, I think they frown on that even in southeastern Ohio, but I’ll bet it’s happened before and recently. “Still want a yard big enough to pee in?” That’s an inside joke – I have said in the past I wanted a yard large enough to piss in without worrying about the neighbors. I amended my statement – “Just need a fence, not the yard.” It’s good to have life goals.
In conclusion, after 3 and half hours and possible tropical diseases thanks to the monsoon, I have decided to vote for whatever candidate outlaws grass. I’m sure a lovely astroturf can be found, plus think of all the jobs it would create. If I was making an action movie, the enemy they fight at the end would be grass. In the sequel, it would be grass on the side of a hill. Maybe if everyone would start peeing in their yard, we could take care of this greem menace once and for all.