You can’t! That’s the easy answer, but of course someone about once a month on my Facebook feed posts how some fitness instructor managed to do it – imagine that! Someone who works out for money has the time to get back in rock hard form. I am in terrible shape and I didn’t even physically have a baby growing in me, but if anything, I am known throughout the land as an optimist (crickets and tumbleweed), so here’s some positives!
1) You can cut back on drinking. It’s actually very easy – you’re so tired most of the time, you just end up passing out after one or two. Great job, dad!
2) Try eating right after a diaper change. No desire to eat? Exactly the point.
3) When you eat, it’s cold when it’s supposed to be warm, warm when supposed to be cold. What better way to say no thanks to seconds than when your chicken wings are a tasty 40 degrees cooler than expected!
4) Extra workouts. Not good workouts, but if pacing the floor with a baby fighting sleep or grinding your teeth at night worrying you’re forgetting something of dire importance burns calories, you’re all set.
Now I just need one of those supermarkets to superimpose my fat head on someone else’s body on a health magazine cover, this new parent craze will sweep the nation. Can some graphic artist stick this mug on J Lo? I’ll cut you in on 10% of the profit.