When I graduated from college, I took a job outside Chicago as a management trainee at a steel mill. As with most new hires right out of college, it was a bit of an adjustment. They didn’t really have a full slate for me, so my days consisted of “Hey, you’re still here? Umm, shuffle these papers for three hours and then take inventory for the eighth time this week.” Most of the team was nice and I’ll never forget two things. It’s where I was when 9/11 went down and I had a boss that stole my can of pop every day.
I went to my lunch break one day and realized my delicious beverage was gone. I was rather angry, but was determined it was an anomaly. I put a sticky note that said “Chris” on it the next day. Gone. Day 3 I began trying to structure my duties around the refrigerator, but was unable to find enough excuses to hang there. Finally, on Day 4, I brought in a very unique soda and inventoried the fridge. I finally caught my prey – it was one of my bosses, a skinny blonde smirking crook named Shawn. “Hey, you’ve been taking my pop.” He looked at me, “Yes.” That was it, no apology. “You can’t take my stuff.” “Well, I’m the boss. You want money for it?” He handed me $2. The pop machine was .55 cents. “This isn’t enough, plus the only thing they have over there is Diet Pepsi and Surge. I think it’s all five years old too.” He grinned, “You’ll be OK.”
My rage bubbled over, but I knew my fight was done…for now. The next day I found .50 cents in the fridge and my Diet Dr. Pepper missing. I walked to his desk. “You enjoying my drink?” He smiled, arrogantly. “Yes, I am.” I stared at him with dead eyes. “Well, the funny thing is I may have rubbed my pop all over my balls and dick this morning before I came in.” “What?! Are you serious? You’re going to get written up!” “Well, that means you stole my Dr. Pepper. How can you do that?” He was flabbergasted as I walked away. He yelled out, “You wouldn’t drink it then, I know you didn’t do it!” I looked back, “Oh, I wouldn’t have had it either way – you always steal it and short me a nickel. Oh, here’s your change back, this one’s on me.”
He never took my drink again, but I know what you’re wondering – did I really do it? A ladY nevEr revealS her secrets. Well, It woulD be IncreDible to know, but I can’t say.