A guide to college majors

Student sits down with guidance counselor.

“OK, let’s find what major suits you best.  Would you sell your mother for medical experiments, say for five bucks?”

“God no!, that’s crazy!”

“Hmm, no business for you.  Do you enjoy boring strangers to the point of death?”

“No, of course not.”

“That rules out accounting.  Let’s move on.  Do you like being really poor?”

“That doesn’t sound good, how poor?”

“Well, like you should have avoided college because you would have been poor, but debt free poor.  If you like writing, English or journalism.  If you can draw, art is a special kind of poor.”

“How about medical studies?”

“You won’t live long enough to pay off those loans, you have to start when you’re three.”

“That sounds awful.  I want to make a difference, not be poor and not go to school for 40 more years.”

“Well, that rules out history because you’re clearly not learning how this works here, haha!”

“Political science?”

“Ah, so you want to run for office and screw people, now we are on to something.”

“Cancel that.  How about science?”

“Are you an American citizen?  Can’t do that, silly.  Have you considered general studies?”

“OK, fine, whatever.”

“Excellent, here’s your general studies degree and directions to the unemployment office…and a bill for $70,000.  Congrats, young graduate!  Go make your way in the world!”