I did a 5K race this weekend. My wife signed us up for two of these to get free running shoes, which was good. My alarm went off at 6:45, which was not good. So I went back to sleep. Thanks to that, we showed up at the race 15 seconds before the start. I know this because the announcer said, “We start in 15 seconds.” Good thing I’m a world class Olympian and don’t need to stretch.
Right at the beginning, we passed the Porta Potty row. Nothing says get your run started like a protein bar shit smell sucking into your lungs. Seriously, move the crappers, race staff. Since we were so far in the back, I was behind the walkers. One lady had three Gatorade bottles strapped to her waist. If you can’t walk 3 miles without a Gatorade each single mile, you should probably start with getting the mail at the end of your driveway. You’re going to die.
Luckily, for running I got a free shirt. Neon blue, with lime green and pink trim. Looks like my wife gets two shirts this year. Unless there is an emergency easter egg party in my future, it’s not getting worn. I would rather wear a shirt made of cockroaches and broken glass. We both finished the race, though and I got a medal, which is a really fancy participation ribbon, so I now have proof I’m better than you. It’s neon blue, lime green and pink though also, so I’ll never be able to wear it either.