Age 6 – Fake brush teeth. Fake use washrag. Sleep.
Age 16 – Pop pimples. Shower. Pop pimples that showed in seven minutes of showering. Brush teeth. Think about flossing. Once a season, shave three facial hairs. Sleep.
Age 26 – Play find the stray shoulder/back hair. Pop pimples. Curse because I still have pimples. Brush teeth. Finally floss. Curse because gums are bleeding. Shave face and sometimes other areas. Curse because I have pimples and body hair at the same age. Drink, then sleep.
Age 36 – Play find the clumps of random body hair. Can’t see them because I took out contacts. Put on glasses, get sad, say hell with it. Pop pimples, realize they are ingrown hairs, which are worse. Shower. Vow to not look in mirrors anymore. Tell self hair loss isn’t that bad, but it is. Weigh self. Pee and reweigh self, hoping pee weighs 12 lbs. Realize it doesn’t and tell self scale is broken. Vow to workout more or stop eating on days that begin with “T” until something changes. Suddenly become aware that 46 is really to going to suck ass. Cry or drink or both.