I run a weekly show at Rehab Tavern on Mondays. In an effort to offer more value to the comics and hopefully improve everyone’s jokes for the crowd, I started a workshop 30 minutes before showtime. It’s hard to tell people how to be funny – it’s hard to make yourself funny, but I have found there are definitely some things not to do.
1) Don’t walk into the show late and while the host is onstage, walk up and ask where the sign-up sheet is. Then don’t sign it and bring it up back up during the host’s act. Lastly, don’t come back up for the pen. Actually, go ahead, you’ve already enraged the host, see if you can cause a stroke.
2) Please don’t contradict yourself in your act. A new guy said it was his second time on stage ever, then did a joke about how he was a full time comedian. That’s a pretty quick turnaround. What do you do for a living, Chris? “Well, yesterday I learned how to ice skate, now I’m a left wing for the Blue Jackets.”
3) I had another new comic tell me they wanted to do comedy. I asked why – this person had just been dumped and was trying poetry and comedy. I’m sure, somewhere in time, someone was a good poet and tolerable comedian. I’m also sure I have a better chance of having front row seats for the final battle between good and evil at the plains of Meggido. It’s possible…just not very likely.
4) Lastly, if you ask another comic for help, don’t then shit all over the advice. If you think it’s dumb advice, just nod and say thanks – then ignore it. “How do you tie your shoes?” Well, you take the laces and cross them over… “NO, I’LL JUST LEAVE THEM UNTIED YOU’RE WRONG.” But you just tripped and asked me how… “I’VE ALREADY GOT IT, SHUT UP, I’M SELLING OUT ARENAS.” You know what, you’re right. Your crack baby punchline is really winning over the crowd.