If you drink a Coke or eat yogurt, you can win a Gold medal. It’s science. Or pathetic marketing. I know you drink enough whiskey and Coke, you can win medals in your head. I won the coolest guy in the bar medal drinking that in a bar in 2004. It was revoked when I was tossed from the bar.
If you’re a good looking person, your silver or bronze means more to the media than some uggers’ gold medal. Take that, you monster, I’m still pretty!
I was watching the men’s figure skating highlights and thought the Japanese gold medalist was a woman. Then I saw Johnny Weir’s sequined headband and low cut shirt and had no idea what gender anyone was.
The U.S. should have lost the hockey game vs. Russia, if not for a technicality with the net. I felt no remorse. Take that, commies! Or former commies! Now if only we could make up for the 243 medals they screwed us out of before that moment, we would be even.
If I hear another announcer talking about athletes “fighting” and “struggling” I may vomit. How about they’re just out there doing what they trained for 10 years to do? Too boring? We need more childhood drama stories, people are turning the channel! Throw in a story about a stubbed toe at age seven, quickly!
I still don’t understand 72% of these sports, but I’m sure I could do curling. It’s like shuffleboard made by potheads. Maybe I can’t do any winter sports…it’s just the mountains on my Busch Light can lying to me again.