The next part of our Italia trip was in Tuscany. Tuscany is known for wine much like West Virginia is known for oxycontin. The agenda included a wine tour – I learned about grape quality, how to pick a good year, and to swirl, sniff and swish. I now do that for everything to show how classy I am. Busch Light…hmm…2014? That’s a great year. My wife really loves when I do it too. It’s nice to be so much better than everyone else. Now hand me that box of wine, serf!
This part of the trip was very relaxing. We were next to an ancient town which was known for towers and being in the video game Assassin’s Creed. It also had a torture museum. I treated my new bride to a romantic tour of medieval justice. Nothing says “I love you” like seeing a vaginal pear and Judas cradle together.
I finally got a beer in San Gimignano. It was the first time since I was 18 I went that long between beers.
I finally found a Budweiser later in the trip, the only American beer in sight, but due to a lawsuit by a Euro beer, it’s called simply “Bud” on the label. EUROPE IS SO DIFFERENT!
The only rough part was the final leg getting there. We got on a bus 9 miles from our hotel, but apparently the driver thought it was more efficient to go to a town an hour in the other direction first, even though the bus and ticket had no such plan posted. “Oh, you would like to go to downtown Columbus? No problem, we’re just going to swing by Pittsburgh really quickly.” Thankfully, I was able to bribe a restaurant worker into calling the only taxi within 15 miles. When I have a choice between my natural charisma and money, I’m going with bribery.
Tuscany is a beautiful area in Italy. While I was slitting throats and bashing the skulls members from the Pazzi Conspiracy I couldn’t help but admire the country side.