When I was younger, Nintendo revolutionized entertainment. The video game industry went from “I think that glob of pixels is something” to “That glob of pixels looks like a human…sort of.” My biggest thrill was renting video games. I’m sure it was my parents’ also, since I could be bought off for a weekend for $2.99. Believe me, if I had a chance to get people off my nuts for $3, I’d be chucking money around like a politician.
I remember also the near suicide-inducing difficulty of games like Ninja Gaiden, Castlevania and Teenage Ninja Mutant Turtles. To combat the sadistic torture of the games, Nintendo came up with the help line. This is how it worked. Children like me would fool our parents into letting us call the long distance line, only to be stonewalled trying to speak in grade school English to an angry Japanese person. “Hi. I’m stuck on Golgo 13.” “What level are you on?” “I don’t know, but there was a trap door on the left.” “Hold please, I don’t know.” Then five minutes pass and the kid would get scared and hang up, then when the phone bill came the beatings began. Thanks, Nintendo!
The most important rule of Nintendo in the 80’s was that one kid you knew had all the games. This kid was usually the biggest douche in your circle, but you kissed his or her ass because they just got Mega Man 3 and you were on the lunch discount program. This was important in training kids how to be nice to your beer or drug connection that always dropped conspiracy theories on you. “Oh wow, that’s a cool story! (Just shut up and give me the fake ID so I can get beer, you asshole) Aliens? Yeah, I could see that! That’s crazy! (Holy shit, you are the worst, but I really need to get buzzed and my buddy’s cousin just got thrown in jail for his fourth DUI. I must have beer.) I see the big picture.