Tonight I’ll be hosting a semi-final showdown in the Open Mike Talent Search at the Columbus Funny Bone. It used to be called the Funniest Person in Columbus, but I was at a show where five current/former Funniest Persons were present and the emcee intro’d everyone that way. It was awkward, so the judges changed the name, but it’s still the same concept.
I like hosting these a lot, mostly because there is zero pressure on the host, but the 12 competitors are usually ready to vomit. Comedy competitions are stressful affairs, I think I’ve been in 11 of them. The common theme is that almost everyone that gets knocked out thinks they got ripped off and usually hates the winner secretly, or in some cases openly. My former college roommate Camp beat me in the first one I got in and used to bring it up when we were drinking. I considered murdering him, but usually passed out before I could set my plan in motion. Unfortunately, science hasn’t developed a Funnyometer, so the debate over who is technically funnier will rage on.
One thing I try to do at shows with multiple comics is make a short joke referencing something they talked about during their set. Partially to entertain the crowd, mostly because I’ve done shows where the host says “This next comic does clubs and colleges all over the USA” when it’s clear they have probably done a couple bars and a Halloween party. The other ol’ standby line as an emcee is “This comedian is a close, personal friend of mine.” The drawback here is that in a comedy contest, you never know what will come out of the person’s mouth. Nothing is worse that saying that, then having your close, personal friend talk about bestiality with their opener. Time for a new friend!