My lady bought a Groupon to go rock climbing. I consider myself fairly adventurous, but I’ve seen a hundred of those survival shows. 80% involve mountains and climbing accidents. That said, I can’t get shown up, so I went along.
The guide was pretty good and very friendly, but I had no idea what was going on. He showed a bunch of knots, used a lot of words I had never heard, and then the tutorial was over. Poop. I had to climb up a 45 foot sandstone wall. Apparently, you’re supposed to back off the wall to see where your feet should go. No problem, I’m 30 feet in the air with my fingers barely holding on to rocks that are 5000 years old, so let me hang off the wall and let gravity pull me to death or paralysis.
I did the first two climbs, but a nest of daddy longlegs crawling by my face was a nice curveball. The third was a 5.7, which apparently means something to people. I got stuck about two feet from the top when my hands and feet cramped up. I slipped and fell, but the safety rope caught me immediately. That means instead of being killed, I was safe to crap in my pants and be humiliated as I hang off a rock wall with the harness pushing my junk into new and undiscovered positions. Is there a video game that has you climb walls? I need to take that up.
Lol