I preface this blog by saying I enjoy comedy. I love when people come to my shows or ask about what I do. If you do something long enough, it’s nuts how many times you get asked the same questions. That’s the not fun part.
“Who’s the most famous person you’ve worked with?” The answer is Pauly Shore. Before this, I had to do that “Did you ever see ____? He was the guy in that one scene, oh never mind.” Plus stand-up comics don’t generally star in a lot of movies. If they do, they tend to not do stand-up anymore since they’re rolling in piles of Hollywood cash. Sell outs. (Please God, let me be a sell out and roll in a pile of cash)
“When are you coming to (my town)?” This is usually asked by someone you just know wouldn’t come to your show if it was in their garage. The answer? When someone pays me. This depends upon my talent, which is minimal. It also depends on someone paying me, which means I have to have a booker or connection in said town. Then it has to be on a night when you’ll be there. How about this arrangement – you pay me, I’ll be there. Everyone wins. Clean your garage.
This one is my favorite one. Person with smartphone, on website or Facebook, looking at my show. “What time does it start? When I should I get there? What food do they serve? How’s parking? Should I buy tickets early? Do they have chairs? Do their toilets flush? If I was a salad dressing, would you reference me in your act? Do you make fun of the color green? I wear green a lot.” Holy shit. Umm. The show’s cancelled. Sorry. This is too much work.
Lastly, I’ve got this a few times. “Have you ever worked with…he was at a show we saw in Junction City…white guy? I think Ron? Maybe Don? He was funny. Ever work with him? He had a blue shirt on. Maybe 1993 when we saw him? Or was it 1999? He did a joke about soda. Or was it relationships?” I usually just say, “OH YEAH! HE’S GREAT!” Then I try to parlay that pleasant memory against them to sell my stupid merchandise.