I think I’m the first comedian ever to realize this…I wonder if black and white people do different things… Seriously, though, I have learned quite a lot about this key difference in the past year or so and I thought I would help my fellow men out.
Men see a bed as a mattress, boxspring, blanket and pillow. Women see a bed with those, plus a bedskirt, three more sheets, a mattress pad, a duvee cover, eight more pillows, a stuffed animal or hand stitched memento. I washed my sheets usually when the clocks sprung forward or fell back, I think the average woman washes the sheets more frequently than the E! network has a Kardashian on air.
I wash clothes. I dry clothes. This is easy because I own zero clothes without cotton, except basketball shorts (I don’t play basketball). When I help do laundry, though, I found out my fiancee owns clothes made from every conceivable fabric known to man and a few I think only exist in comic books and movies. I’m pretty sure she has vibranium in one shirt. I found that I can put about three items of clothing she owns in a dryer, but only on delicate and for less than 54 seconds.
At my condo, I mopped the floors under two circumstances, when I saw ants on the floor or never. Sure ladies, you can say men are gross, but I like to think I’m like a cockroach building up my resistance to disease so I can survive a Walking Dead scenario. YOU’RE WELCOME, HUMANITY. Now if I can understand the genetic predisposition to inspirational quote artwork, I may have this figured out in another 30-40 centuries.