I think I’ve blogged about this before, but it’s been awhile and the show is on, so why not? I had been doing comedy for exactly one year in late Spring 2008 when I caught wind that the last tryout for Last Comic Standing was going down in Nashville. Of course, because comics are largely the dregs of society, we didn’t plan it until about four days before. Sadly, I had the most reliable car of the group with a 1993 Mercury Grand Marquis. My pal Camp had a 1962 Falcon that couldn’t go over 45 mph and my other buddy Baxter had no car. Looks like my sweet ride is going!
There were many tales of booze, fights and comedy on the way down, but nothing out of the ordinary. We arrive around six pm on Sunday, the tryouts were the next day. We parked up the street from Zanies Comedy Club and realized there were already about 65 comics sitting on the street. Cops showed up and told us the rules; no peeing on the street and no drinking (which usually leads to peeing in the street). So we sat out all night, taking turns trying to sleep in the car. I slept about an hour in the car, the rest of the time I sat on washerboards and played Euchre with a couple of other comics we ran into from Columbus, Malone and Burgstrom.
The sun finally rose, which meant we now had a place to piss and/or eat other than the gas station, which had run out of TP several hours earlier and closed the bathroom. That, or the bathroom went on strike after dozens of comics shit in it all night. When the light shone on the mass of degenerates, almost 2/3’s of the comedians were wearing the comedian outfit. What is that, you ask? Graphic tee, suit coat, jeans, Chuck Taylor shoes. A few were wearing stupid hats or black rimmed glasses, but the hipster movement was still in its infancy. Once everyone was awake, about 175 (the numbers had swelled) comedians were trying to one up each other, very loudly and obnoxiously. I prayed for death, but death would not come.
Finally, Bill Bellamy, formerly from MTV (and for some reason, on every single guest list for every party my fraternity threw in college), walked out in a cowboy hat and began interviewing the comics at the front of the line. A couple of assholes from Atlanta jumped in front of me and got a stream of obscenities hurled at them, but it was of no use. The temperature rose rapidly, sweat rolled down my already sweaty face. My level of annoyance was high enough to form a blood clot, but thankfully, I made the cut. They took the first 100 comics in line, so I was in the clear. So you’re saying there’s a chance! That was the high point, it would go down rapidly after that. (To be continued)