I run an open mike every Monday at the Rehab Tavern in Columbus. I have had some really good comics come by and some open mikers that I’ve never seen before (or again). The good thing about new comics is that they usually bring a lot of pals, which is always encouraged. Doing a great set for small crowds is probably the hardest part of comedy. Example – if there are five people, and you make one laugh, that’s 20% of the crowd and it sounds like you’re being mocked. Now take that same percentage and put 100 people in a room. Sounds like you’re killing, but not really…but it sounds better. Plus laughter is contagious. Sadly, so is silence.
The great thing with new comics bringing people is that they are usually pretty weak, so it balances out the newness and it helps the other comics as well. The downside is that new comics (especially males) usually do way too many body fluid and sexual assault jokes that make their non-friends cringe. One new guy this week talked about eating pico de gallo after being smeared on a dead person’s leg. Sigh.
The show went well and afterwards, a greenhorn approached. He had a solid set and asked me a few questions. “Do you ever perform anywhere else, like for money?” That could have been offensive, but it’s an honest question, I guess. I told him yes and gave a few examples. Then came the fun question. “Where can I get paid?” I asked, How many times have you done comedy? “This was the second time.” Nowhere. Come see me in about 100 more times. If you want to get paid any kind of real money, you need at least 20 minutes. He stared at me, then said he had to talk to a buddy and left. To give an example, he hit a baseball off a tee, then asked if the Yankees had a tryout. OK, never mind. I guess I was supposed to say if you have one good five minute set, you get a Comedy Central special and a 100 grand. If that’s true, I’d be worth about a half a million by now.