Bar drama

One theory about drunks is that they are children, just older and horny.  I think I witnessed this at last night’s show.  I arrived before the open mike portion was over and a guy in a Marlins hat was yelling at the bartender that he had some important knowledge to tell him.  This went on for about two minutes until he gave up or forgot this crucial message.  He must have lost focus thinking about how long he’s been a die hard Marlins fan, like everyone in Ohio.

Then two very intoxicated ladies came up and virtually screamed how much they like comedy, then proceeded to yell talk through the rest of the show.  Big fans, indeed.  What happened next was classic.  A younger gentleman decided to buy these hens some shots, but leaned in first.  The bartender then made some bottom shelf $1 shots – smoothness!  Get credit, but don’t waste that sales bonus from selling the scratch offs last month.  They tossed down the shots like they were trying to forget the 2000’s and didn’t pay him a second’s more notice.

Finally, I went up and did my time.  I probably could’ve done better doing my shorter material right out of the gate, although it went OK.  After the show, Marlins fans yelled, “Now it’s my turn!” but his friends had bailed, so no one heard him but me and the dozen that stuck around that late.  He realized this and left, presumably to ram his car into the side of a Taco Bell.  Then a drunk girl on crutches started yelling at a patron and the bartender.  I wanted to tell her that her future former husband just left, but I passed.  I have to get home before that drunk ass shuts down the road with an accident.