There are four seasons in America. 1) Christmas is over, I’m depressed 2) Summer 3)Football and 4) Christmas. Number four is here. Crappy Christmas music has already started on the radio. As much as I hate it, if I’m going to hear it, it had better be Nat King Cole and Bing Crosby. When I hear Jessica Simpson or Clay Aiken singing holiday tunes, I want to hang myself with tinsel.
I also know it’s Christmas because my wife is getting 3 catalogs a day. I didn’t know they still made catalogs. If Montgomery Ward sends one, I’m circling the toys I want! Unfortunately, they’re all geared to women – 97 pages of clothes and 12 of home goods. BOOOOOOOO!!! They should make a men’s Christmas magazine. It would look like Skymall, but with drinking games and melee weapons.
I try to focus on the good things about Christmas – online shopping so I don’t have to interact with strangers and circle snow covered parking lots for six hours to find a spot seven miles from the store, freeze, then walk into a shop that has the heat on 86, making me regret wearing a coat. Other good things too, like eggnog. When else can you drink alcohol milk products? Maybe Christmas isn’t so bad after all.