I got home from the holiday travels last Saturday night and my refrigerator took a dump. Not literally, that would be strange. I guess the positive is that with Black Friday and Cyber Monday and Small Business Saturday and Wacky Wednesday and whatever other made up bullshit marketing campaigns are going on is that appliances are cheap. The bad is that I have no cold beer and my food options are limited. Especially the beer.
With this in mind, I have been eating lunch on the fast food circuit for a few days. I had to run a delivery and thanks to a weird exit, I wound up in a part of town where the only place to eat was a Long John Silver’s. I remembered as a young lad eating the delicious crispy fryer leavings and hushpuppies. Why not? It’s probably been 12 years or more. I couldn’t discern the fish from the chicken and wound up dipping my chicken in tartar sauce. None of this mattered as the hot grease pocket under the fried surface burnt my mouth beyond recognition.
I then tried the deep fried ball of batter that is a hushpuppy and the moisture immediately was sucked from my body like a sponge full of fatness and heart disease. My diet (yes, I realize the irony) Pepsi was gone in two gulps and did nothing to quench my burning thirst. The rest of the day was filled with chugging water and depression mixed with regret. I think next time I’ll just eat an ashtray or roadkill so I feel better afterwards.