I saw a lot of coverage regarding college campuses cracking down on Halloween costumes. No longer are any references to ethnicity, even including white trash, permitted on campuses at an ever increasing rate. I say it’s about time. How dare someone wear a costume (definition: a set of clothes in a style typical of a particular country or historical period. Oh wait, that’s the point) poking fun of someone who will probably never see them wearing it, unless the media scours Facebook and Instagram with their tergid hard-ons for finding news where it doesn’t exist? With that in mind, here are more banned costume ideas.
Turd. This is offensive to assholes, implying they stink. Next thing you know, buttholes will strike, causing mass death from toxic shock as poo backs up in our bowels. Ban turd costumes now!
Slutty _____. This is clearly out of line. Who wants to offend women who clearly have no self respect? That’s ridiculous. Only nuns and burkas, I say. Oh wait, those could be ethnic. Hmm. Sorry ladies, only business suits with long pants, don’t want to offend anyone.
Super Heroes. Look at all these kids, clearly offending fictional super villains. I’m surprised the non-existent Joker hasn’t sued the unreal Batman in magicland court for a lack of fairness in the costume market. Kids have to wear black unitards now and go as independent street performers.
There, I think that should cover it. Good thing I’m here to set people straight. Now excuse me, I have to put on a UNICEF sandwich board and go trick or treating as Captain Happypants. I’ll not accept candy, only hugs and compliments. Happy Halloween!