Since my entire life is now an indentured servitude to Groupon, I went to the movies tonight to hurriedly use a movie pass that expired. I got there a little early, so I slid into the bar area to await my girlfriend. I must say, drinking in movie theaters is an idea way too late to the table. Movies = good. Drinking = great. You get where this is going. How did no one think of this earlier? Probably someone did and had 73 complaints when a drunk guy started heckling during The Rescuers. That’s why.
Some work group complete with nametags was hanging out. It was interesting only because as each two broke from the table to approach the bar, they were talking shit about the rest of the table. It reminded me of every group function I have ever been in. Then a balding guy came in with his chica. “I need a frosted glass. I’m kind of a beer connoisseur and I must have a cold drink.” Yes, you’re quite the expert, DRINKING AT THE MOVIE THEATER! Pissant douchebag. What is a beer connoisseur anyways? It’s beer. If there is one, it’s me. I don’t go into Dickey’s Westside Pub…”Hmmm, this Bud Light draft in the poorly washed glass with a dead fruitfly in it is quite hoppy today, harumph harumph!” If you do that, drink your next beer while running your car in your garage with the door closed.