1) Comments on internet posts. I will probably work on this more, but I dare you to find three internet stories in which no one comments on politics or religion. It could be a story about pandas and within three posts two morons have a bullet point debate online.
2) Bartenders that give me attitude for not knowing what their microbrew bullshit is. Do you have something in the Bud Light tree? No? Oh, you’re now condescending towards me. Guess I’ll have the Autumn Wood Barnacle Pale Ale. Ah yes, nothing but hops and moss in every drink.
3) I hate when people say stupid things and no one calls them out. I was sitting around a card table once and a guy said, “You know, we haven’t had a good president since Jimmy Carter!” That’s your go to president? He might as well have said, “That Nixon was a hell of stand up guy.” I was so dumbfounded, I just sat there and no one said a word. What other revelations do you have for us? “You know, I thought New Coke didn’t get a fair shake. While we’re at it, I heard people are using bags to pick up dog shit these days. What’s wrong with a bare hand?”
4) The old husband/wife combo phone call. “What kind of deals do you have going on?” Well, actually, I have “TELL HIM WE HAVE A SENIOR DISCOUNT!!!” Wow, that was loud. So, what can I “SHE SAID WE HAVE A SENIOR DISCOUNT!” Yeah, thanks. I heard that earlier. So, can I “MAKE SURE HE HEARD YOU!!!” Oh no! You’re breaking up! Click.
5) Dry wedding receptions. Are you kidding me? I’m taking back the gift I regifted for this affront!