How to watch – viewing tips!
If you’re on one side of the spectrum, hope your candidate doesn’t make an ass out of themselves or say something stupid. Mondale in 1984 said he was raising taxes. He lost 49 states. Oops! Reagan could’ve ate jellybeans and just done the Degeneration X crotch chop and he would’ve won at that point.
Look cool and collect – i.e. Be a good bullshit artist! Nixon probably would’ve beat Kennedy in 1960, but he was a sweaty, jittery bastard and Kennedy was laying on the charm like he was wooing Marilyn Monroe at the debate. Don’t worry though, we got Nixon later and he worked out great! (That’s called sarcasm.)
Have good hair. America loves old guys with hair. Never mind they may be pieces of shit, have your hair. Or get plugs like Biden. That guy is a walking punch line, but he has fake hair plugs and people still listen to him.
Better yet, be completely neutral. Every politician’s most coveted voter! Then you can be swayed by the lies and have at least one third of the country blame you when we get a shitty president. Excuse me while I order my “Don’t blame me, I voted for fill in the blank” bumper sticker.