I was at work Friday and in 15 minutes I saw the sky turn blacker than Satan’s asshole. We ran to the door and saw clouds DIVING…that’s not good. All of the sudden people were cutting themselves and renouncing sins. It was dangerously close to five, so I didn’t care – I would drive home through 100 miles of the neighborhood where Reginald Denny got a brick upside the skull.
Having a black car, I was glad to know my windows were cracked, as God’s wrath destroyed my suede interior (I’m very rich, what else would I have?) I actually made it home in record time, since the weak were too scared to drive through the 3rd plague of the Apocalypse. Then I got home and realized my stupid power was out. This was bad, since my Friday plan was to pound beers and take out my week frustration on some video games. I packed up the Bean (my dumb dog) and headed off to my girl’s place.
I stopped by the gas station later and holy shit, it was on. It was 85 degrees in the Speedway, 15 people in line and a homeless man was screaming random words. I am rather stupid in some things, but in analytical thinking some things are rather clear, so I deduced rather quickly that some things weren’t worth a gas station riot. Two stops later, we found Giant Eagle, functional but half boarded up with plywood. Time to ninja buy.
Ohio sucks for several reasons, but one thing I love is that we don’t have hurricanes. Usually. People were running around like assholes and buying batteries and water like it was the end of days. I realized at that moment I am going to be OK when the angry hand of God comes down. Not because I am a stalwart of goodness, but because I have no qualms about shooting strangers in a grocery store riot. Then my power came back on and I forgot 99% of what I should have remembered…yay video games!