I got some free passes, thanks to my pal Scott, to see Spider-Man early. Yes, I know with the title, this previous sentence is off to a bad start…bear with me. Unfortunately, the transformer blew, so the movie was in danger of not playing. While this wait ensued, there was a Katy Perry movie going on also, not in IMAX, so it was proceeding as the power was kicking back on. I then saw a 17 year old wearing a Katy Perry t-shirt. A 17 year old boy.
Amazingly, he was with a slutty chick with her boobs pushed up. Am I missing something? If a guy at my high school in the late 90’s showed up with a Mariah Carey shirt, he would got his ass kicked. At least melvined (look it up) or berated. Amazing, and not in the Spider-Man way.
The movie was cancelled, so I got a voucher and turned with my lady to walk out. Walking right in front of me was a 14 year old chick with brown roots, bleach blonde on top and shorts tinier than my boxer briefs from 2003 on my now less svelt self. With her mother. I didn’t even have a flinch of perversion, but I said aloud, “What kind of mother lets her daughter dress like that?” Oh my God, I am an adult. I was puzzled at this new feeling of maturity, but even more, I was happy that I wasn’t walking the mall with a 14 year old mega whore. God, I know I’m a piece of crap – please don’t let this tramp be a sign that I’ll have the girl who gets knocked up at ten. Hell, I’ll take weird kid who talks to themselves and loves LARPing (live action role playing, for the layman).