After a brief hiatus, my local comedy club is up and running with the open mike/comedy showcase. I was so excited to see all the New Year’s resolutions fulfilled with new comics making asses of themselves, I almost cracked a smile. Unfortunately, whoever planned 67 miles of construction made me late, so I just missed a new guy workshopping a Chris Farley impression and my night was ruined. Sadly, I do one hell of a Matt Foley after a couple beers, but if I did it onstage, I would expect to be slapped in chains and led down Main Street as peasants threw cabbage at me.
I got to emcee and was glad to see that nothing has changed with new comics. New white guys love to hit the stage and regurgitate sex phrases from urban dictionary, while new black comics love to slow walk to the mike while I stand there awkwardly, waiting on them to get on the damn stage so I can piss/sit down/do anything other than stand there like an ass for 24 seconds while they pimp stride to the mike.
I forgot my belt, which annoyed me to no end b/c I have OCD, plus I had to poo, but some guy was in the john. He was wiping so furiously, I heard it. It sounded like he was scrubbing his work boots after a day felling timber in the Yukon. Despite these setbacks, the show went well and it was yet again reinforced, via newbies, that men like to jerk off. Funny (sometimes) and informative (always), welcome to open mike comedy.