If you’re in Columbus, check out my show tomorrow at Flanagan’s at 9 pm (it’s actually in Dublin, technically). Just $5, or you can bring shampoo, coffee, all the usual items to be sent overseas (just pay $5, it’s easier). I am excited to do this show, because I support the military and the sacrifices they make for us. I would give up drinking for America. Thank God this bizarre scenario doesn’t actually exist, though…I shudder to think the fate of my beloved country teeters on my going sober. Also, I’m excited because there are a ton of comics on it and I’m tired of getting facebook messages. Let me explain.
If you send a message to a normal person, he/she will respond. If you send one to a comedian, they will probably retort with something funny (or try to) and get the last word. Now imagine it’s after midnight on a Tuesday, you just fell asleep and six of the comics on the show are messaging for two hours straight trying to one up each other. Meanwhile, you’re just tired enough not to get up as your smartphone is blowing the hell up with noises every single time some dickhead has to toss another log into the joke fire. Of course, since they’re comedians, most have no 9-5 job and all are drunk. You can’t turn off said phone, because it’s your alarm clock and you can’t figure out how to turn off notifications until it’s 3 am. The glamour, the fame – I don’t know how I handle it.