I just sold a dresser and night stand on Facebook in 20 minutes and I had three others interested before the transaction was final. This will go down as the greatest online business deal in my life since I got the Secret Wars Captain America action figure for $4. Yes, women love me.
It hasn’t always been roses. I once sold a piece of crap 48″ big screen projection TV on Craiglist. I had 12 people interested, three called me, two no showed for the supposed purchase (in which I sat around for hours waiting) and the lucky winner showed up with only $40 – which was interesting, because he agreed to pay me $50. Oh and I had to carry down the stairs alone, because he had a “back problem.” I spit in the back of his van when he wasn’t looking. Have fun scraping that loog off the side in two years when you find it, Dr. Sweatpants.
The worst, though, was this young lady. She called about the TV and asked where I lived. I told her…for six painful minutes. She lived 20 minutes away, but she had the directional sense of a toddler on a sit n’ spin. It’s kind of hard to explain directions when someone who lives two miles from a major highway has no idea how to there, let alone to my condo, which to her was El Dorado, the lost city of gold.
What made her the worst, though, was the fact she called me back. Four more times. Amazingly, she never remembered that she had called me before and asked every time where I lived. On the fifth call, I lost my mind. “Where do you live? I want to see the TV.” “No. You live on the north end by the mall. You don’t know how to get to 270 and we’ve had this same conversation five times now.” “What? You’re kind of rude!” “Yes, I get that way when people sniff gas and forget they’ve called me five times in six days. Don’t ever call again, I set the TV on fire.” “What? Fuck you!” Yes, fuck me. For ever answering your call the last four times.