There is a fun chain of insults depending upon where you’re from. Big cities call smaller cities white trash, smaller cities call rural areas rednecks, rural boys call city boys pussies. Repeat. I went to a bachelor party last weekend and well, my group managed to outdo any group there, whether rural, urban or in between.
My car had to stop twice in the one hour trip due to pre-gaming before the trip started, so we weren’t exactly waiting on the party to begin – we rather kicked the door down two hours before the snacks were set out and tapped the keg before the hosts got out of the shower. This is a rather long-standing tradition with my high school crew. I remember cruising around looking for a party (place to drink), then showing up first, leaving last and generally ruining everyone else’s good time. Ah, memories.
We got to the dog track where such wisdom was shared like, “Bet on the dog that takes a shit. It’s lighter” and “I pick the ones named after beer and cigarettes first.” Nice. Two guys got into a rather heated argument over a wife that used to date another one in the crew in front of a whole bar. One guy may have passed out in the elevator (the main floor of the casino was one floor away from our rooms).
My favorite was the true party animal (not me, sadly) who shut down the bar and found some Jack in the room. With little sleep (on a floor), he proceeded to rise like the undead and stumble to the breakfast buffet. A maid asked, “Are you done in there?” “Kiss my ass, lady!” he grumbled. I like the insult combined with the proper title of lady. Then I heard him yell at an older couple, “What are you looking at, the damn roof?” They were truly terrified.
Of course, the final joke was on me, as hungover, I had to sit bitch between two guys and have Marlboro Reds blown in my face the whole way back. I would have puked, but I was too constricted for the function of vomiting. Remind me never to drink Jager on an empty stomach.