Random thoughts on hotels –
– A bathrobe in the closet is not exciting. I wouldn’t wear a bathrobe if you threatened to put a gun in my mouth. How about a bigger trash can? What does that thing hold, four beer cans? And who in the blue hell uses a shower cap? What is this, 1947?
– When you make me say I have a dog, put down a deposit, fill out a full page about his vitals, and hand me a doggy care kit…don’t leave me angry messages that my dog is loose in the room. He’s a nine year old Golden Retriever. He couldn’t defend a doorway from an old lady with a walker. Talk to your maids, stupid. What am I supposed to do, tape him to the wall? There are prison cells bigger than this room.
– You gave me seven towels, five blankets, and six pillows. I don’t need new ones and your staff will probably steal my shit anyways. Stay out of my room, I’m here for two nights.
– If boogers were tips, I would be the most generous guest ever. But they’re not. Might want to clean behind the sofa. That’s my tip.
– Yes, I would like more shower pressure than a post-ejaculatory piss. Sorry, old man’s useless prostate pressure isn’t cutting it.
– Thank you for building next to the busiest train depot/truck stop in the city. Have more boogers.