Me and my girlfriend went to do a distillery tour, but we found out there are multiple distilleries in Columbus. How? We went to the wrong one. Scratch that. Since we were downtown, we decided to use one of our 43 Groupons. Turns out, the one we picked was for an organic restaurant. I had one question – “Do they have meat?” Yes. “Let’s go.”
I assumed a lot before I went in. I figured the alfalfa sprouts weren’t picked or pulled, rather they were allowed to live a full and healthy life before hitting my plate. God, hippies annoy me. Then I walked in. Our hostess was a 6′ 2″ tower of sadness wearing all black. The clients broke down as such – 1)All the women had short hair, most of the dudes had long hair. 2) None of the women save two were wearing makeup, but one guy was. 3) Thankfully, I grew a beard, or I would have really stood out. Speaking of that, there was a Jerry Garcia look alike milling around leaning over everyone’s tables as they ate. I had a fist cocked and loaded, but he stayed away. I must put off enough anger to keep most of the freaks away.
I got chili cheese fries. The chili wasn’t bad…if you like spicy gravy, which I do. It definitely wasn’t chili, though. I then got something that began with a “C” that had meat on it. Not bad either. I could feel my body fighting the natural healthy food. How am I supposed to maintain this third testicle without a nice boost of genetically altered meat? The best part was that they had beer, so my junk didn’t wither away completely, but I’ll be closely monitoring everything for a couple days.