I emceed the Columbus Funny Bone’s “Open Mike Talent Search, 2012” last night. Usually the first round (of four) is a shit show filled with good comics and a couple newbs giving their all to an apathetic crowd who are there to see their pals. I will shock most of you…I had a blast.
The crowd is usually tighter than the asshole of a someone sucking on lemons, but as I opened the show, they were loving my slightly above average humor. They even loved my one-liners between comics, which is one of my trademarks. I hate when an emcee says, “This next comic is a close, personal friend of mine” or “This next comic performs at clubs and colleges all over the USA.” It’s never true, so why say it? Trust me, I bomb some lines, but it’s worth a shot.
I hit tonight after a “nerd” comic went up. I said, “I could rip this guy for being a nerd, but I’m going to the midnight showing of The Avengers tomorrow. If you think that’s lame, I’ll bash you with my Captain America shield, hippie.” I loved this line, because 1) I love Captain America 2) I hate hippies and 3) I love Captain America and hate hippies. Another comic talked about graduating, so I mentioned graduations. “You can tell someone’s life is going to suck by judging how excited their family is by their 9th grade graduation. I went to school with a guy who raised both arms after getting his 9th grade diploma. Hope you paid attention in chemistry, you’re going to need that when you cook meth.”
Both lines killed and I felt good doing some new stuff. Even for one liners/three liners. Now time to rest up, The Avengers is on at midnight! (In all seriousness, why does Captain America, other than maybe the Hulk, need these other people? He loves freedom, so these Asgardian monsters have no shot Now excuse me, I have to shine my shield.)