My fraternity, Phi Kappa Tau, the Delta Lamba chapter at Muskingum College got awards this week for 1st in philanthropy and 4th in community service. As a member of the Board of Governors, I was very proud, especially considering my idea of community service is one mandated from a judge.
It is one hell an accomplishment from a fraternity from a small school, so good work gentlemen and don’t let old, washed up frat alumni tell you any differently. My pet peeve when I was in school was a fat, balding drunk alum coming in. “We had some sweet parties, bro! We were awesome!” Then you look down and see the piss dribble stain on his too short khakis complementing the Bud Light stain on his faded polo shirt. Then you would watch as he hit on 19 year old co-eds and feel sad about a lot of things. “Sweet parties? Really? Go fuck yourself. Give us some cash.”
One time my frat had to do some community service for a bogus noise complaint. I went to kangaroo court and actually was so eloquent, we got out of a $2000 fine. (Call me Daniel Webster) Our punishment for playing a stereo at 8 pm on a Tuesday became 200 hours of community service. Me and my pal Camp pulled weeds near the town’s welcome to sign. Bent over and in protest, I pulled my shorts down and showed the passing cars visiting my rather “hair-gifted” ass while me and Camp giggled like stoners. Seriously, my nickname was Bear, and it wasn’t for my deep voice. Thank you, bad genes. You’ll come in handy next Ice Age!