If you need five hour energy everyday, you probably have anemia.
When I grow a beard, I am so sick of getting to full beardedness, I usually shave the damn thing off within two days.
Nothing will wake you up in the morning like the adrenaline rush from standing in freezing weather and waiting on a dog to shit.
Why does Hollywood insist that every blonde with at least a B cup must be shot as Marilyn Monroe?
Steve Martin has aged well – I think going gray at 25 lowered the bar.
Either my neighbor has a trampoline or he is doing an hourly tribute to Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka by body splashing his girlfriend.