– When you wake up and have to poop, it’s going to be a horrible day.
– People that litter in my parking lot. Litter on the highway like a normal person.
– When my dog goes to poo and smells 14 spots, rolls around, and then circles an hour. It’s 34 degrees out and only my ass is covered in hair. Hurry up, Bean.
– New comics that say, “What’s tough about being a comic is…” This is your 3rd show ever. Shut up.
– Hippies.
– People that want attention at all costs. I used to work with a guy who wouldn’t talk to anyone, but would go to funerals and act like he knew the deceased. He’s dead now. Karma, you sicko?
– People that don’t agree with me 100%. You’re clearly wrong, just admit it.