I just had a revelation. My dog was being very needy, so I slapped him around a little (in a good way) then sat back down. I was trying to read the paper and he kept annoying me to no end by doing the paw swat to my leg. I couldn’t take it anymore, so I went to the store and grabbed some bones. Problem solved for the rest of the day.
It clicked in my head at that moment. I need to find human bones. Not human bones, as in a dead person, rather something I can toss at people that annoy the shit out of me. They run after it, my life is completely back to unbothered. Sunday when I went to the store, I had bad timing and kept winding up in the same aisle as a guy with what I think was whooping cough. He looked pretty rough, both from illness and lifestyle choices. If only I had something, other than meth, on my person I could toss and get this diseasebag out of my comfort zone. I will be testing alcohol infused snack cakes that sparkle like diamonds today…I think that covers about 85% of human population. If only I could find a way to make them give false compliments…”Your stories are interesting, lady everyone hates being stuck in line with!” Thank you, talking sparkly vodka cupcake! Then I escape the web of boring conversation. Off to the lab!
If you didn’t share these little nuggets of observation, my day would not be complete!