Everyone does these dumb lists, so here’s mine for shows this past year…top three of each, no particular order.
Best – Shelby, OH. This is a surprise, because it was at a senior center in a town of 2000 people. They had never done comedy before and it was a Valentine’s Day show and nothing says romance like the comedic stylings of Chris Coen. I sold over $200 worth of merchandise, which smashes my previous record of $65. Seniors love Chris Coen (there were no seniors, they were all asleep hours before the 9 pm show).
Also, my feature showcase for the Funny Bone, which I passed. This means I have my foot in the door for traveling the US as a feature act. Unless of course I blow it, then back to square one. Also, my feature week at Go Bananas in Cincy. First week as a full feature and I was introduced to the breakfast shot, which tasted like maple syrup and orange juice, which surprisingly, didn’t make me puke.
Worst – I did a show at bar, ironically near Shelby, where I headlined. There were 12 people at the show when the feature act went up. By the time I went, five. Of those, one guy was actually carrying on a conversation during my act…at the front table…on his cell phone. I watched a really drunk couple basically have sex with their clothes on in the back. Plus, while onstage, I had a bore actually answer all my rhetorical questions and try to carry on a conversation. Example: “I got a new car recently.” Her – What car did you get? “It’s not important.” I want to know. “A Chevy, it has nothing to do with the joke. I’m moving on.” I had a black Chevy once. “That’s enough. Forget about the car.”
Honorable mention: I did a show where the audience got in free. Despite this, some animals decided to heckle the other comics. One guy commented that it was the worst thing he’d ever seen. Really? Worst? Fuck you, gel hair. It’s free and no one is paying attention. We’re not happy to be here either, but we need the money. I hope that guy gets a bladder infection.
Finally, worst show? The cancelled ones. I got booked at a two-day comedy run. The first one paid OK and was farther away, but night two was on the way back to Ohio and paid more $. About two weeks prior, the venue decided to close down comedy. It was the first ever gig I booked with this agency, so I stuck it out. I had to take 1.5 of my 10 total days off for the year to do the show. I sold one shirt, which meant after gas, I made $37 profit for driving nine hours.
Here’s to 2012, where hopefully more of the former and less of the latter is the norm.