Author: Chris

Every comedian wants to get college shows b/c apparently they pay well.  I’ve done two, with the third this buy cialis 20mg Thursday.  The first I followed a Christian rapper, the second I no one showed up.  I did get paid though, without actually telling one joke.  No comedy and a paycheck?  I realized I was a gov’t worker!  Yea big gov’t!

Some of you may have heard that the former model, now sports reporter Ines Sainz accused the New York Jets of sexually harrassing her.  Who would have thought that a group 20mg cialis of alpha male athletes 52 deep with about 72 illegitimate children with 45 women would hit on a former model that patrols the sidelines wearing body paint tight pants and her fun cushions hanging out?  What kind of world do we live in?  Next thing you know white trash will start shopping at Wal Mart for Natural Light 30 packs or teenage girls will start watching movies about girlly looking vampire types and texting while driving.  Not in my America!

I have a strange week coming up in October where I will travel to five cities cialis cialis in three states to do six shows in seven nights, including my first ever Pennsylvania appearance.  It’s like my time of the month, b/c I have only one the rest of the month.  Please let people buy my shirts or I’m going to have to buy a hybrid.  Must not buy hippie car…

I have watched a ton of movies recently and here are my short, simple minded reviews.  The Hurt Locker – Roadside bombs are best handled by white trash psychos.  Inception – I need to do more drugs to write a good thriller action movie.  Also, DiCaprio movies are 70% likely to be good if he has facial hair; 30% if he doesn’t.  Kick Ass – 10 year old girls make better fighters cialis dosage than 17 year male nerds.  Machete – White people like to kill Hispanics crossing the border, until a 66 year grabs lawn care tools and murders for the common good.  (Is it racist that he smacked around people with a week wacker and lawn shears?  You be the judge.)  Bad Lieutenant – It had Nicholas Cage in it.  I can’t watch two Cage movies in the same year.  The Blankey by Future Friend Comedy – Chris Coen needed a bigger role.

I did a show several weeks ago where the motel I was put up in some dude two doors down was being cuffed and stuffed into a black SUV.  Tonight, the room I did was nearly cancelled b/c one of the bouncers got stabbed in the arm on Saturday.  Welcome to comedy.  I have had three people vomit during my set (not due to content, LOL), one onto the stage.  I had another show where the comic before got hit in the chest w/ a pitcher of beer, I hit stage with a fever of 102.  I believe that hope is for the weak.  I will be touring full time come hell or high water, but for God’s sake, it’s not a picnic.  If you want it, cialis trial offer take it…and dodge the pitchers and puke.  See you at the next gig!  Anyone else think they’re funny?

Anyone with a brain agrees the Imam has EVERY right to build this Islamic Center/Mosque.  If you don’t, you don’t believe in the Constitution.  However, building this in a building that was hit by the landing gear (2 blocks away) of a hijacked plane…9/11…not smart.  There’s a mosque 10 blocks away – not exactly a rape of the Bill of Rights.  I could get onstage and say the “N” word 50 times, that’s my right.  It’s also going to hold up in court as justified when some brother drags me offstage and pummels me back to the last stage of evolution.  In America, we can w0rship Jesus, Buddha, Allah, Zeus, Mother Earth, Corn Pops, or David Hasselhoff (or no one – yaaa meaninglis cialis pill splitter existence).  Yet I don’t have to migrate to Germany to make my Hajj to the altar of Hoff (I would though).  Let’s quit rambling about “rights” when we all agree on them.  Human deceny dumbasses.  We can all agree on 10 things.  1) America is greatest country ever.  2) Don’t f with people at funerals and death sites (You listening Westboro Baptists?) 3) Axl Rose dropped the ball on “Chinese Democracy” but he still rocks.  4)  Politicians are scumdicks who take turns twisting the same story to bone us over.  5)  Foreign films suck.  6)  Guys who wear striped shirts w/ plaid shorts are the 2010 version of popped collar guy.  7)  Beer is for fun, liquor is for depression.  8)  Mexican food is the greatest, unless made by white people.  9)  Money CAN buy happiness.  10)  Chris Coen is one funny sumbitch.  What were we talking about?