I went to watch the USA vs. Mexico soccer match last night at a bar/movie theater. It was assholes and elbows (that’s my vernacular for packed). I got the last possible table, which was nice because it was in the corner and I don’t exactly love being surrounded by hipsters wearing their ironic false patriotism gear. “I love America…cause all my other friends hate it haha.” Hipsters. Yuck.
I got to listen in to the gentlemen next to me, mostly because the wi-fi was down and I couldn’t zone out in the bliss of non-human interaction. First guy – “Dude, they found out maggots eat wounds and stuff. I think it was on the History channel.” (Not breaking news, but wait for it…) Idiot #2 – “Yeah man, that Civil War medicine was so advanced. It was crazy ahead of its time.” OK, now I’m dumbfounded. That’s officially the dumbest statement of the month.
Let’s break it down. Civil War facts! Doctors, lacking clean dressings and sanitation, wiped the bonesaw on the same bloody cloth as the previous fifteen amputations. 620,000 casualties, 2/3 of which were due to disease. 2% of the male population wiped out in four years. Medical miracles! I kept my mouth shut, only because I knew talking would be more enraging than zoning out.