Family vacation!

“Boy, we sure could use a vacation to relieve some stress!” – America right now. “We’ll see about that, you bastard!” – my vacation last week. We decided to pack up and head out when my wife’s schedule changed and found a great place on Lake Erie. It had a small private beach, pool and even a full playground on the site. Then the worst storm since 1972 hit the day we were leaving. The temperature, which was almost 90 degrees in mid May, dropped under 50 with 40 mph winds. Literally an hour before we were supposed to leave, the condo owner called me up. “There’s massive flooding, the bridge is out and we can’t get to the condo, what do you want to do?” Well, thanks for asking. I was going to boost up the nitro in the family SUV and Bo and Luke Duke it over the river. Seriously? We aren’t coming today, I guess.

There was one small issue. My daughter heard they had a pool and a beach. She was swimming today come hell or, well, high water. I called an indoor water park – full. I called another and they had literally one room left. The lady was very nice and began describing it to me in great detail. “Does that fit your needs?” What is it with these questions? IS IT OPEN? YES? I’LL TAKE IT. Of course it was a great bargain booking the day of on a three day weekend, but whatever.

I had to call the next morning as our check out was mere minutes away. “Hey, any updates?” He replied, “Oh yes, everything is good, the bridge is back to operational.” GEE THANKS, I WAS IN NO HURRY TO FIND OUT. The rest of the trip went well, excepting that the storm had washed up two massive dead fish and a goose onto the small beach area…and the pool was closed due to sand washing up into it…and my son got up at 2:30 for absolutely no reason the first night and stayed up…and my daughter began projectile vomiting all day the last day we were there. Other than that, it was very relaxing and my next vacation will be traveling to the laundry room with a handle of Dewar’s and Pantera on my iPod.

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