Since the new Facebook trend is sharing senior pictures with people who won’t see them, here’s something more helpful than that or the advice I got. I was walking to my car, preparing to go to a senior night party when some guy, probably upper 20’s yelled, “Congrats man! It all goes downhill from here!” Yay!
College visits – You may be missing out on college visits. I went to I think three or four. It involves you, as a 17-18 year old, knowing absolutely zero about what would be a good fit, sitting in an auditorium or walking around looking at God knows what. You then are supposed to process this info somehow and pick a place to live and learn for the next 4-5 years. The internet probably has made this irrelevant and a chunk of you will transfer; even more will change majors. Long story short, it’s a sanctioned skip school day. Enjoy.
Senior skip day – Well, you pretty much got unlimited of these now, but they don’t involve going to a field and drinking warm beer like mine since you can’t hang out with anyone. Maybe you can pull up an online class and then Zoom on your phones instead of listening. That sounds rebellious or something!
Sports – This is the one I feel bad for kids about the most. I ran track, in theory, to build speed for football, but I should have played baseball. Either way, 95% of you won’t play in college, so that really sucks. All the people freaking out about not being to go should realize the ones that got screwed were the players, not the fans. There’s this thing called video I think they could’ve used and finished the playoffs, but what do I know?
Graduation ceremony – Graduation ceremonies are long, usually hot as hell and generally stink. There are two parts that people remember, if at all. Giving speeches, if you get to and walking. There’s always some viral speech each year were some HS kid goes off which makes me cringe, but it’s a big experience for a lot of students that have never really had to publicly speak. There’s usually also some student that graduates by a small miracle and their family goes full blown hillbilly and screams like banshees. I have a feeling most of those people are used to making a scene in public, so you’re not really missing much from graduation.
Prom – This is another one that is a big deal to a lot of students. I think they should reschedule these, especially because most students probably already spent the money. Prom is half the dressing up and getting pictures and half the after parties. I went my junior year and won a TV with two buddies at afterprom, so we returned it and got some sweet cash, like $70 each. In high school money, $70 is like $500. I went back the next year and missed out on anything like that and by the time I got the afterparty, almost everyone was passed out. Of course, if you’re in a movie about prom, that is when you lose your virginity unless you’re the jerk character. The butthead character finally gets their comeuppance. 2020 is going to be the year of virgins and unfulfilled vengeance.
In summation, it sucks, but here’s a picture when I was thin, could see well, had a full head of hair and my back didn’t hurt for no reason! YOU’RE WELCOME 2020!