Trump vs. Biden

Look, you can get one sided facts or insights from any ol’ site about this election, but the real hard hitting stuff can only be found right here. On a comedy site that absolutely promises zero research or provable data. Enjoy. BTW this is all based off impulse and I put about five seconds of thought into it, so calm down and don’t send me hate mail.

Favorite music? I have no idea, so let’s go with impressions. Trump looks like the type that literally listens to zero music. Like a guy who drives from New Jersey to Maine with the radio off. He will say “I really love music.” “What is your favorite song?” “All of them.” Biden however does listen to music – something like Big Band era, but if you ask him he will lie and try to be cool, but miss terribly. “I love the Master PeePee song. And Vanilli Milli. Those girls are great. (Assistant whispers in his ear) Oh and MAP. That’s all I listen to these days.”

Favorite food? Obviously Trump likes Big Macs, which is mind blowing that someone with his money eats like a 13 year old boy going through puberty. Biden actually has false teeth so he probably just chugs protein shakes or Metamucil or something that gives him terrible gas.

Favorite color? Trump likes navy blue and literally zero other colors, but he will tolerate red. Hates every other color, thinks they are dumb. Biden is color blind, but acts like he isn’t and his wife is constantly stopping him from walking out of the house with mismatched clothes.

Favorite movie? Trump for sure likes Patton, but only the part where he slaps the shell shocked solider. He’s never watched the whole movie. Biden likes Porky’s, but will only say some Oscar winning movie from a super long time ago like Terms of Endearment, even though he’s never seen it, because he’s only watched Porky’s in the last four decades (although he’s seen Porky’s at least 56 times).

Favorite ice cream? Trump will literally eat ice cream for breakfast and probably loves something weird like plain vanilla or pistachio. Biden ate so much ice cream he’s now lactose intolerant and has to eat that weird almost ice cream stuff that you swear you’re going to eat to lose weight, but you throw it out because it’s just not the same.

Hobbies? Trump has golf, but only to make deals. He hates all hobbies because they waste his time. Biden has no hobbies because he seems like the type that tells stories all the time if someone is within 25 yards of him. If he’s alone, he’s absolutely calling someone and doing 84% of the the talking.

Boxers or briefs? Trump 1000% tighty whiteys. Biden 2000% boxers with the Rolling Stones lips on them.

There you go, the most important political analysis you will get all day.