We had a rather harrowing week trying to find a new nanny/sitter for our kids and had just completed our search after much back and forth, interviewing, resume reading, etc. Finally time to relax, get the kids (who didn’t nap) to bed and get ready for the week. I let our dog about 9 pm one last time and she quickly returned to the door. I opened the door and noticed two things simultaneously: the dog shaking her head and a noxious evil filling the air. A skunk had sprayed my dog in my own back yard.
I immediately got our dog back outside, but it was too late and powerful beyond words. Everyone in America has smelled a skunk, yet has no idea of the difference of driving down the road and yelling “Ew! A skunk!” and actually being in the blast zone. My wife was upstairs and down the hall bathing my son and yelled “What is that smell?” My daughter, also upstairs, began screaming “It smells bad, I don’t like it!” It’s like burning rubber, not the too fast at a stop light kind, more the dump full of dozens of tires is doused in gasoline and burns for a week variety.
Chaos ensued, with my wife gathering the kids up to evacuate and me frantically searching the internet for a solution. The answer apparently is 1) Hydrogen Peroxide 2) Dish soap and 3) Baking soda which mercifully I had. The other answer is women’s douche, but my vagina is flawless so I don’t need that around the house. The stench was so strong, I had to bring the dog around front and clean her there. It is truly amazing how the skunk smell invades everything. It pools in closets, rooms and anywhere in the house. I had to open every door and then window, of course once the initial blast had migrated from the house.
I then spent my life savings on Febreeze and vinegar and was up until 1 am combating the vileness by bathing the dog twice more in the high school science project mixture. Thankfully, the house was acceptable, but the dog, not so much. I called the vet for advice the next day. “Make sure you go outside with your dog.” Cool, so I can get sprayed also. Great tip. How long will the smell last? “In your house, up to 21 days. (I blacked out a little) On your dog, several months.” I’m sorry, I thought you said several months. “Yes, up to that long, even if professionally groomed.” (Blacks out again) So if anyone wants to borrow a dog or organize an elite skunk murder team, please direct message me.