The absolute worst part of comedy is a press kit. HANDS DOWN. Imagine if every time you went to work, you had a have a picture of yourself plastered everywhere. When I started, I was a mega douche and took a picture of myself smoking a cigarette and wearing a funny shirt and I should have been put in jail. Then I switched to this dud.
My one professional headshot came on four hours’ sleep when I got stuck coming back from a show and a train broke down which made me get home after 4 am. She took 150 pictures and like three didn’t look like I was dead. It was a huge improvement, but no one uses it anyway. Now with Facebook, people just look at my profile, vomit a little, and then grab the worst picture they can find. In fairness, I’ve had a beard for six years and haven’t updated my pic. This should be my pic.
Step two? Write a bio about yourself in third person, like a maniac! This is always a blast also. Imagine again, doing this at your job. “Chris really likes to start the day with a coffee, then tear into sales analysis reports! Customers LOVE his product suggestions and you will too!” You would run into traffic.
Plus add to this the fact that every time you update these, you realize how old you are. I won some comedy contests in 2008, 2009 and 2010. There’s no real titles in comedy, so I either have to keep using those or just let every emcee for the rest of my life say “He works clubs and colleges across the US!” The other fun bio trick is list every comic people have actually heard of. That’s also fun. Again, translate this to your job. “Chris has worked with the Midwest’s top sales rep, Karen, plus shared a call report with the legendary Stanley, once a fixture on the door to door sales scene.”
In summation, I’m ugly and old and I need to stop a terrorist attack while telling jokes to get a better bio.