“Russian man sues Apple because iPhone made him gay”

I saw the above headline and I thought, oh, I have to read this article.  Then the site was a foreign tabloid and wanted to send me cookies, so I didn’t read it.  It kept bouncing around in my head – the article, not the iPhone’s subliminal gay undertones – so I found another site and read it.

Apparently a Russian man is suing for some amount of rubles – your guess what those are worth is as good as mine – because his iPhone allowed him to receive a payment in cryptocurrency called GayCoin, which included a message to not judge.  Apparently this was enough to push him over the wall between straight and gay – he said “How could I judge until I knew?” and got a boyfriend and hocus pocus, he’s now a homosexual.

At first I was laughing, mostly because I don’t really know what cryptocurrency is, but that seems to be a rather low bar for switching sexual preference.  An app says, “Don’t knock it until you try it!” and boom!  You’re now into a different gender.  I then read a bit more on the article and figured out the real reason is Russia is very anti-LBTQ and he’s socially ostracized, so this is probably the real driver of the suit, which makes this a sad story…but the headline though!  I’m going to sue my TV for making me fat – I wasn’t going to eat, but you know, there was a line on the commercial that said the Big Mac was tasty, so I ate 340 hamburgers.  Does anyone know a good Russian lawyer?