I don’t know if I’ve ever told this story, but here goes. I went through confirmation as a middle schooler – for you unwashed heathens, that’s where the church makes sure you’re ready to step up from childhood to adulthood and deepen your understanding of the Christian faith. Now you know, before you burst into flames.
I was there very early one day and our pastor’s assistant was there. He was a few years older and insanely smart. I think he missed a perfect score on his SAT’s by one question. He was very straight laced, almost robotic, and his family was similarly built. His mom and younger brother were there, across the table. Younger bro: “Mother, it appears I have misplaced my pen. May I borrow another?” His mom was crestfallen. “I am very disappointed in you. I gave you that pen and trusted you would be responsible. Your brother has his pen. You should behave more like your brother.” Younger: “I’m sorry mother.” Before the sad music started playing, older brother stepped up. “It’s OK, mother. I have brought an extra pen and he may have mine.” He pulled another pen from his planner and held it out like a golden ray of sunshine burst from heaven as a chorus of seraphim erupted in hallelujahs. You would have thought he gave him a kidney. There was much ballyhooing and gushing and the whole scene was so humorous to me, I shook with laughter that I kept bottled inside. My friend Aaron was next to me doing the same thing.
Later, during the most serious moment of our important religious journey, my pastor asked this room to close our eyes. He then built a very tranquil scene where we were walking down a road. Jesus appeared next to us and walked with us, silently, for a while. Our pastor then said, “What would you ask Jesus?” Deep, contemplative thought almost hummed like beehive in our meeting room as the most serious and important inquiries filled the heads of each young adult. I leaned over to Aaron and whispered, “Hey Jesus, can I borrow your pen?” He began to shudder with his entire body and little explosions of laughter erupted. I caught the bug and immediately began fake cough laughing as tears streamed down my face. I shot a quick eye over to my pastor and the stare was so intense, I think he burned the side of my head.
I think if he wasn’t a religious man, he would have strangled me to death right there, but he probably knows I was damned for ruining the moment. I like to think the comedic gem is at least tolerated, if not flat out appreciated, so I may get a pass. Either way, I passed the confirmation process, maybe just to get me out of there so I didn’t ruin it for the next batch.