After going to an Independence Day parade that was 115 degrees in the shade at 9 am, I decided it was time to shuffle my holidays. Plus people love ranking stuff, according to Facebook feed. So here goes…
BEST HOLIDAYS
Christmas – Presents, loved by kids and adults, eat like a fatty, and presents. Only downside is traveling in winter and fruitcake. That shit is nasty. You can even culturally appropriate this holiday if you’re a heathen!
New Year’s Eve – Football and drinking. Only downside – New Year’s Day hangovers.
Thanksgiving – The only holiday where you standard get two days off work. Huge advantage.
Halloween – This holiday has bonuses depending on your age – Kids: candy. Young adult: costume parties, slutty outfits, alcohol. Parent: your kid gets free candy. Only downside is strangers begging at your door.
Independence Day – Upside: AMERICA’S BIRTHDAY. Downside: Hotter than Satan’s armpit all day.
WORST HOLIDAYS
Valentine’s Day – In February, the worst month. Either have to scramble for a romantic gift or you’re alone and depressed. Upside – strawberries, according to this random pic I found online.
New Year’s Day – Hangovers and have to listen to a ton of losers tell you how much better this year will be. Yuck.
Arbor Day – Trees…wow. Also most people don’t get off work. Dumbest holiday out there. Now if trees came to life and fought orcs, I would move this up.
Columbus Day – I live in Columbus and no one celebrates it. Probably will be banned in a decade also.
President’s Day – Mattress sales. Plus, I’m not celebrating all the presidents. Sorry Millard Fillmore, James Buchanan, Woodrow Wilson, and Bill Paxton.