Product review: the Father’s Day back shaver

Since my last blog was very popular, I figured I would let everyone (mostly men, I’m guessing) know how the back hair shaver works.  NOT TO LEAVE WOMEN OUT – all you female lycanthropes or Italian girls can enjoy also.  Here goes!

First, the guy on the box clearly represents a man with no hair on his body before this process started, so the marketing team is already on my bad side.

The greatest thing since…well not having genetics that give you back hair.

I was going to read the instructions, but instructions are for pussies, right?!  Yeah!  I actually have one problem area – my lower back.  My upper back has some invaders that have decided to settle in their new land, but by and large, not a serious problem yet.  I did have to use a machete to open, they packaged this thing like it needed to survive Fallout 4.

I exclaimed to my wife, “It has a suction cup to hang in the shower!”  She was not a fan of that feature.  “Let’s not display that thing.”  Almost like the time I saw a douchebag in a relative’s shower as a kid.  Probably put that in the drawer.  I did see it said “wet or dry!” also.

I had about three minutes until I had time to leave for work, so I let it rip.  Oh man, did it ever work.  Huge wide blades carved the hair off like a knife through hot butter.  In about seven swipes, I got the whole area, although it is larger and wider than I remembered…NOT COOL BACK, NOT COOL.  The only thing is that thanks to the Coen gene, I don’t really do anything with finesse, so dry shaving too fast left me with enormous razor burn where I pressed too hard.  You think I would know better, my toothbrushes are all flat after 2 months.

Well, I’m here to say it really works and is a great tool for self-shearing.

No middle aged white guys were harmed when testing this product.  OK, maybe a few.

I will say if you get any ideas about going south with this guy, you better have a sack made of steel wool or the size of a birthday party ballon – it’s pretty large.  Now you too, can be as hairless as a 12 year old boy, just like the ladies like!  Good job, Bakblade 2.0!