Inauguration Day made me think of a quick list of crimes that need to be added. For the people.
If you walk into a sports bar during the playoffs and ask one of the TV’s to be switched to non-playoff sports, you should be immediately sentenced to having to play Monopoly with kids under 10 until you break down and cry for mercy.
If you send an email over three sentences, then call within five minutes or less to ask what the recipient thought about said email, you should have someone sent to your house every night for a week. When you fall asleep, they poke you and scream, “DID YOU FALL ASLEEP YET?” until you realize you just did the same thing in a different manner. If you do that twice, life in prison.
If you don’t replace the toilet paper, you are hereby convicted and have to use TP for up to four days with a hole cut in the middle.
If you ask someone a question in person while you are still carrying on a conversation via bluetooth, five days’ hard labor while every guard you ask for food or water turns away because they’re taking a bluetooth call and they hold up a finger and walk away from you. “Yeah, some guys says he’s thirsty. Can’t he see I’m talking to someone?”
Lastly, anyone that abuses kids or animals should be allowed to go about their day. They just have to wearing a metal box around their waist that traps all their waste inside until they get sepsis and everyone can smell them from a mile away. It’s like a scarlet letter, but with their own filth. A brown letter, if you will.
I’ll start my campaign committee in 2019 if you’re interested.