Well, don’t read if you’re not caught up, cause this guy has some hot takes for the final season of Game of Thrones…when it comes out in two damn years. Sigh. Anyhoo, everyone has their fan theories, balancing the book vs. the show. ALL WRONG. Here’s what to expect.
Possible spoilers, but if you’ve read this far, you’re either caught up or never will be.
- Arya makes a dragon mask and kills the Night King. Didn’t see that fake dragon coming, did you?
- The wall was fake, like the one from the Road Runner and the Night King smacks into the real one full speed when it looks like a train tunnel, blames ACME for the mishap.
- The Mountain is actually Kane from WWE fame and the Hound is actually the Undertaker. What a matchup we are in for!
- The next death associated with Game of Thrones is the person that says to me, “It was good at first, but one episode didn’t strike me as ground breaking so I crap all over it now.”
- Cersei Lannister gives birth to Ramsay Bolton’s bastard, creating the most hated person in television history.
- Since winter is here, not coming, the Starks have a vote for a new motto. “Who let the dogs out?!” wins and no one is happy about it.
- Hodor the undead makes his debut and everyone is the saddest they’ve ever been.
- George R.R. Martin is still complaining in interviews that people want another book too quickly, then writes three pages in 2 years.
- The writers remember the Jon Snow’s direwolf Ghost again (oh, that’s right, we forgot all about him). GIVE ME MORE GHOST!
- I spend the next two years or however long it is complaining that Game of Thrones isn’t here yet.
I will go on record and say only 2-3 of these will actually happen, but in all seriousness, start filming please.